I have just realized that I’ve posted 31 Aloha Monday Blogs. Go figure. I’ve written more but sometimes I can’t find them. As a matter of fact, I’ve just spent the last hour trying to find all my blogs, put them in a folder with dates, lest I lose them too. You see, I’m not following a simple recovery slogan, “Keep It Simple, Stupid” or “KISS” for us stupid ones to perhaps remember in our moments of numbness. For some reason I have three sites where I’ve blogged. Most of my blogs have been posted at DeesignsByHarris.Blogspot.com. But when designing a new website for my business, I started a new blog site with WordPress at DeesignsByHarris.com/blog. But then I decided to keep my original Yahoo website at DeesignsByHarris.com, so I got locked out of my new WordPress blog place. But I liked WordPress, so started another new account, THUS…I shall be using deesignsbyharris.wordpress.com… for today.
Talking about numbness, I am actually quite far from being numb. As a matter of fact I’ve been off my antidepressants for the last two weeks. I am far from numb. I’m shivery, heart beating out of my chest, emotional, happy cry, side cry, light and sound sensitive, tummy hurts when I eat, so I don’t, so why do I have diarrhea, and why would I be affected there? Why did I even get on these meds? They were prescribed to me by my gynecologist probably 20 years ago. I had anemia having had a period nearly everyday for 3 years. “No worries,” says my physician for 3 years as I wished I bought stock in Kotex. Finally going to a proper gynecologist, I got the care I needed after partaking in the least invasive to the more invasive but not the most invasive procedures. Kept my body parts. However, the anemia made me a physical and mental wreck, thus the antidepressants.
The doctor who originally prescribed them for me tried helping me wean off of them after a spell. Instead of a daily dose, we cut back to every other day for awhile, then every three days, four days…until my poor body and mind didn’t know what dose it was going to get. Finding myself getting quite emotional while still working as a checker at Safeway and crying when asking “Paper or Plastic?” I immediately started taking the full dose again.
With the help of my new physician here in Hawaii I have weaned down to the lowest dose. It has been highly and urgently recommended I get off the antidepressants by my dentist because they have caused major bone loss in my mouth and I’m losing my teeth (another whole blog), so we’ve all decided it’s time.
Moral of the story: Yes, I love my antidepressants. Yes, I love most drugs and alcohol and everything that is bad for me. However, having been in the depths of hell during this love affair and never thinking or believing I would ever again have a choice whether or not to use, I have been graced with recovery. Today I have a choice and I choose “No!” So not worth a temporary fix to numb discomfort or for a fun high, because for me it doesn’t end there. Nothing can compare the with the high I wake up to each and every morning in recovery!
Now I GET TO figure out why I have 5 email addresses. Have a calm and simple day. KISS! Aloha…Dee