When I was younger I found it very difficult to communicate. I know now after numerous Fourth Steps that it was fear that caused me to feel less than and to be worried and ashamed what might come out of my mouth and embarrass me.
The first thing that came to mind when I read this quote was that 10 months ago, whilst in a relapse, had I not communicated I would not have heard what I needed to hear to get me back on track and right-sized. Just so happened that during this relapse I still kept connected with the program and the fellowship as I knew, I had been taught, that no matter how much I was enjoying the drink today that wouldn’t last. Eventually the disease would catch up to me again and I would no longer have a choice but to drink. Life would once again get in the way of my drinking.
Not only did I hear what I needed to hear that day (I did not like it and I copped a resentment) but I took the suggestions of a sister in sobriety and did everything she suggested I do. What choice did I have? Going to meetings, talking to my sponsor, staying close to the fellowship just wasn’t cutting it. What did I have to lose?
By picking up the 50-million pound phone that day and again telling on myself that I didn’t want to stop drinking but was scared of what was going to happen, my life today is better than I ever knew it could be. By communicating. By asking for help. By not giving up on myself. By desperation.
Communication can be uncomfortable and uneasy. But if I don’t talk about what’s going on with me, whether in writing or orally, it will eat me up alive. Yes, by simply sharing it with someone or putting pen to paper, it takes the power out of it. Just like I was taught in the fellowship. It’s like writing that Fourth Step and sharing it with another human being, how healing is that!
I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to be lonely. I am anything but that today…one day at a time. With that have a mighty fine day. Until next week, Aloha…Dee
For those interested in Inspirational Gifts in Recovery and Hawaii Art, please check out my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com. Mahalo!