I have been realizing lately that I haven’t been thinking much before speaking, or reacting. I’ve found myself a bit short lately in patience and compassion. And I’ve really been battling with what to write on my weekly blog.
Consistency is the message I heard. Try to be consistent if you commit to something. I’ve tried and still am trying. I’ve written 30 blogs at DeesignsByHarris.Blogspot.com and another 15 here at DeesignsByHarris.Wordpress.com. Not too shabby with my consistency. But I’m finding my blogs boring and repetitive. So I’m going to take a break. I’m going to blog when I think I have something worth blogging about.
T-Is it true? When I blog, I blog the truth. It comes from my heart as I try to no longer veer in to my scary place…my head. H-Is it helpful? When I blog, I try to write about what I hope will help just one person get through what might be a trying time. I-It it inspiring? Hopefully. I have a blessed life which I wish to share with all. I try to share hope and optimism and light at the end of the tunnel. I have shared my rigorous honesty that has inspired me and, hopefully, someone else. N-Is it necessary? Hmmm… Again, if I can give one person in need a glimmer of hope today then, yes, it is necessary. K-Is it kind? I still find myself living by what Thumper’s mom said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Perhaps I need to work on this as honesty is the best policy and not always kind. But I still find kindness the easier, softer way. And if worded correctly can still get the message across.
Yes, I shall still blog as I hope my words can help another human being. But I shall take some Dee time to center and get rejuvenated, working first on why am I finding myself short in patience and compassion. First things first, yeah? I want to be in a good space to share what has been so freely given to me. I shall do a bit more service and work a little harder on my business. I shall solidify relationships. But most importantly, I shall work on me!
With that, my friends, have a mighty fine day! With much aloha…Dee.
For those interested in Inspirational Gifts in Recovery or Hawaii Art, please check out my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com. Mahalo and enjoy!
This sums up my life in a nutshell! Singing the song I don’t really know is my life. That 15 second part I know is my recovery. And I’m gonna own it! I didn’t want to blog about recovery again this week. I try to quiet my mind and just go with the flow, but all subject matters bring me back to my recovery. So, yes, I gonna own it. I have been given tools to live a full, rewarding and meaningful life. Just so happens these tools came from recovery. So be it. So that is what my life today is all about! Short, but sweet. Now time to play! Have a mighty fine day…with much aloha…Dee. For those interested in Inspirational Gifts in Recovery or Hawaii Art, I’ve given my website a facelift. Please check it out at www.DeesignsByHarris.com. Enjoy!
True Happiness Is Giving It Away
I’m never gonna forgot the quote, “You can’t keep it unless you give it away.” Because when I stopped giving away my recovery and the gifts I reaped while in recovery, I lost them. It took over 13 years to do so, but, nevertheless, it happened. So when I saw this quote, “True Happiness Is Giving It Away,” it really hit home with me because unless I’m clean and sober, I have no true happiness.
That whole “One Day At A Time” saying holds true in getting sober, staying, sober, and getting unsober as “One Day At A Time” I stopped going to meetings and giving away what I was so freely given to me, so I lost it. My recovery. My happiness. I still got to keep those 13 years for which I am truly grateful and shall always cherish, but how stupid of me to “One Day At A Time” stop being with fellowship and stop being there for newcomers, as there are no guarantees that I’ll get back into my “happy” place.
So being the selfish person that I am who loves her life today, I shall hold tightly to this life of sanity, serenity, and sobriety. And if that means giving away this happiness and contentment, so be it. Small price to pay to reap such great rewards.
Wishing you great rewards and a mighty fine day! With much Aloha…Dee
For those interested in Inspirational Gifts in Recovery or Hawaii Art, please visit my website at http://www.DeesignsByHarris.com. Enjoy!
My name is Dee and I’m an alcoholic. Thank you for keeping me sober one more day, one more year, one more time. You see, this ain’t my first rodeo and this isn’t my first one-year chip.
I got sober in 1998. I guess that’s when I hit my bottom because my life was pretty dark. At that time I was hating my life and myself. All I could think about was drinking so that’s what I did everyday. And that’s when I had my first God-shot. I started asking my dad who died many years prior from this disease for help and soon thereafter I found myself in a 28-day program. There I found out that I am an alcoholic and what alcoholism is. I found a Higher Power, A.A., and that I’m not alone.
For the first few years I was the poster child for A.A. I floated on a pink cloud for a very long time. But one day at a time as my gifts of sobriety started to interfere with my gifts of sobriety, I found myself pulling away from A.A. and the fellowship. I was proud of the person I was. I was complacent. I thought I was all right because my Higher Power was right there with me and I had my books, and my steps and my meditation…yada…yada…yada.
When that drink was left in front of me just in case I changed my mind I said, “No, thank you. I haven’t had a drink in 13-1/2 years”. Just words at this point. I had forgotten what it was like to be a newcomer. I had stopped giving away what was so freely given me when I needed it most. My insurance policy from meetings and fellowship had expired way before then. So I picked up.
The lying, guilt, shame, hiding, and all the negativity that comes when this alcoholic drinks immediately came back by drinking that one shot. And since I had broken my sobriety, I had another. While sneaking drinks at my son’s wedding in Puerto Vallarta, a psychic approached me to tell me that my dad’s presence was really strong there, again watching my back. Another God-shot. This sneaking around went on for a couple of weeks when I sought help and got myself back into A.A. Get with the program, Dee. You know better. And you taught me we’ll as I was scared I was going back to that place in 1998 and worse.
Again, poster child for A.A. Steps again. Sponsor. Meetings. Proudly took another one-year chip and proudly carried the message.
Then I started to have problems with the bone in my upper mouth. It was deteriorating. My teeth were getting loose. I was getting bone grafts, sinus lifts and implants. Teeth we’re being pulled and implants started to come loose and were pulled. One day I found myself taking Hydrocodone, even when the pain had subsided. My brain said “You’re not gonna flush these.” That part of my diseased brain had awakened. Since I already broke my sobriety I rationalized drinking them down.
Lying, guilt, shame and hiding all back in my life again. I was still going to meetings and relinquished the service positions I had. Everyday I would show up for a meeting and say, “I drank last night” or “I drank yesterday.” Hearing “Just don’t drink” really ruffled my feathers. This time was harder as I was starting to enjoy the drink. For fear that I might end up living in a dumpster, prostituting myself with a needle in my arm because I had heard those stories at many an A.A. Convention from people with whom I had many similarities, I got myself into an out-patient program where I battled with this disease for a few weeks more saying, “I drank last night” or “I drank yesterday.”
Then miraculously when I hit my knees hard enough, got rigorously honest enough and did those things I didn’t want to do that we’re suggested to me, the obsession was lifted.
Today I take my one-year chip. Thank you for being here for me.
For those interested in Inspirational Gifts in Recovery or Hawaii Art, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com. Enjoy.