Healing Self-Judgment

HEALING SELF-JUDGMENT

(From Deepak Choprah and Oprah Winfrey “12-Become What You Believe”)

OPRAH:

Glenda the Good Witch said to Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, “You’ve always had it, my dear.”  The divineness of who you really are you’ve always had.  That divineness is your belief in the truest YOU… the YOU that is free of limitations, judgment, resistance, and doubt.  True belief and pure awareness is generous and accepting.  It can heal us; it uplifts us; it frees us from struggle, and that which holds us back.  Allow it to flow freely.  Healing comes when we recognize our true self as wise, joyful, and loving.  When we release resistance we invite the power of the Universe to affirm our truest, deepest, purest beliefs.

DEEPAK:

Everyday involves many situations that require decisions.  So why do we sometimes allow and at other times resist?  The answer is that we either face resistance and obstacles or expect resistance and obstacles.  Beliefs are expectations.  Most obstacles and resistance we expect, and then we have to face them.  What needs to change, therefore, is expectation.

Let’s examine the belief “I am fulfilled and whole.”  In wholeness there is no resistance.  Instead harmony and an effort flow prevail.  The opposite of wholeness is separation.  We all have aspects of ourselves we want to be separate from.  These are the paths we judge against.

If you look inside, which aspects of yourself would you like to be separate from?  They’re not difficult to find because we apply emotional tags to them…tags like “bad”, “guilty”, “shameful”, “embarrassing”, and “failure”.  These tags are the actual obstacles of self-judgment.  The self chooses to reject, avoid and hide from the feelings we just listed.  Much effort is wasted in the process.  Guilt and shame remain no matter how hard we avoid, fight and resist.  But unless we overcome self-judgment we can’t allow life to flow the way it wants to.  We are too anxious about having our weak spots exposed.  The answer lies in strength of self.

Yourself is more than what you feel, and far more than what self-judgment is trying to make you feel.  Everything about self-judgment makes you feel weaker and smaller.  But you do not have to adopt the role of judge.  You can adopt other beliefs.  To feel fulfilled and whole you must take any moment of self-judgment and turn it around.

Let’s say you have a guilty moment.  Your natural reaction is to blame yourself, which is a judgmental, negative self-belief.  Pause instead and ask yourself this question, “What feeling do I actually want?”  No one will say the feeling they want is blame and judgment.  Even so, we inflict it time and again.  You can begin to phase out this activity by telling yourself, “I don’t want blame and judgment.  It has never done me any good.  It is not doing me any good at this moment.”  This is a message from your true-self.  You will be reinforcing your wholeness every time you meditate and every time you remind yourself in your daily activity that self-judgment is totally unnecessary.

I joyfully accept myself.

DEE:

As I listened to this meditation this morning I was reminded of my life journey…of who I was and who I am today.  The biggest life-changer for me was admitting that I am an alcoholic, then accepting it, and then embracing it.  That is when the self-judgment began to subside.

I always knew “I am a good person and a whole person,” but when in a 28-day treatment program for alcoholism I chose this affirmation to repeat daily in our community meeting as I felt anything but good or whole.  The disease of alcoholism thrives on self-judgment and negativity when active.  Only when I surrendered did love of self slowly begin to surface.  Yes, I’ve always had it; the disease smothered it.

And when I started to do…to live…the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous was my spirit lifted to new heights.  I began to be and to live the person I always was meant to be.  Yes, I’ve always had it; the Fourth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous brought it to the Sunlight of the Spirit (made me see it! and feel it!).

Here is a blog I kept written by turkeyboneheaven on April 2, 2014, explaining our Fourth Step…

Facing Our Darker Side 

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 

By the time we get to the Fourth of the Twelve Steps, we are ready to face our darker side, the side that prevents us from loving others, from letting others love us, and from enjoying life and ourselves. The purpose of Step Four is not to make ourselves feel worse; our purpose is to begin to remove our blocks to joy and love.

We look for fears, anger, hurt, and shame from past events – buried feelings that may be affecting our life today. We search for subconscious beliefs about others and ourselves that may be interfering with the quality of our relationships. These beliefs say: I’m not lovable . . . I’m a burden to those around me . . . People can’t be trusted . . . I can’t be trusted . . . I don’t deserve to be happy and successful . . . Life isn’t worth living. We look at our behaviors and patterns with an eye toward discerning the self-defeating ones. With love and compassion for ourselves, we try to unearth all our guilt – earned and unearned – and expose it to the light.

We perform this examination without fear of what we shall find, because this soul searching can cleanse us and help us feel better about ourselves than we ever dreamt possible.

God, help me search out the blocks and barriers within myself. Bring what I need to know into my conscious mind, so I can be free of it. Show me what I need to know about myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher

What I learned from my Fourth Step is that I have lived my life fear-based.  I was so fearful of what you thought about me.  I lived for your approval.  Why?  Because I did not love myself for who I was, who I am.  I did not feel good in my own skin.

Alcoholics Anonymous has given that to me.  I finally love myself for who I am, defects and all.  I can accept myself for who I am and accept that is okay that you don’t.  That was not my purpose.  I realize now that my purpose is to help those around me love who they are, to accept themselves for all they have to give, to embrace themselves, to embrace life at this very moment…this very “perfect as it is” moment!  Yes.  We all have our own special gifts.

This is why I have finally found contentment.  I knew what happiness was; I’ve had happiness.  But I never realized that I wasn’t content until I had it…I felt it…that freedom…that weightlessness…that peace.  It’s awesome!  I love it!  I want to share it!  I want everyone to have it!  That is my purpose given to me from the Higher Power of My Understanding, another great gift I received from the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Today I continue on sharing this gift, this message, to all who enter my life, my circle, my bubble.  I am grateful to be an artist who can share this message via stained glass and mosaics and lauhala and whatever other medium that comes to me throughout each and every amazing day.  I am grateful to be an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I am grateful to be a a loving family member and dear friend.  I am grateful to be alive and to give back that which was so freely given to me when I needed it most.

Dee Harris

DeesignsByHarris.com

Advertisements