When certain blogs touch me I share them with you, with a few short paragraphs from me about how it pertains to my life in recovery…Dee Harris

Dee:  This blog was inspired by “How Do You Deal with Your Disappointment?”

by Aishwarya Shah. 

1_enjoyjourneymos (dbh)




Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams. 

Though some do get more than their share of disappointments, I believe that we have the inner strength to deal with whatever life doles out. It is not the amount of grief or disappointment that comes one’s way, but the manner of dealing with it that shapes a person’s character. And, moreover, I think, those who can take the good and bad, success and failure, victory and disappointment with the same equanimity are the ones who pass the test of life. It is your response to setbacks that set the blueprint for how life treats you for rest of the journey. 

When disappointed with something or someone, how do you react? Do you get angry or depressed? Do you sulk or start a blame game? Or do you withdraw into yourself, discouraged and defeated, to lick your wounds in self-pity? 

Disappointments are inevitable for everyone. Expectations cannot always be met to our satisfaction, nor can all dreams be fulfilled. This is the hard truth of life. People will not always act as we wish them to, nor relationships proceed in the manner we plan. Parents won’t always approve what you have set your heart on; lovers won’t always dole out ardour and compliments; children won’t always aim to please, nor if we allow it to, disappointment could lead to sadness, grumpiness, disillusionment, discouragement or helpless anger. We often tend to vent our spleen on those closest to us, which of course leads to further issues. Most of the caustic, anti-social people we come across, those whom we label ‘frustrated souls’, have been repeatedly disappointed in life and not dealt with it right. Some even develop sour facial features, so deep is the surliness etched into their souls! Surely you do not wish to end up in that category? 


I love being an alcoholic in recovery, the “grateful alcoholic” that folks would call themselves that made me cringe in bewilderment.  Today I AM that “grateful alcoholic.

A 28-day treatment program for alcoholism and, more importantly, Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me so much to make a better, lighter, freer life for myself.  Many slogans on the walls of our meeting places and a toolbox for living in the 12 Steps and the Big Book all started to make sense as I trudged the road to happy destiny.

One very important slogan or quote I learned in AA that I carry with me always is “No Expectations.  No disappointments.”  You see, I learned that I have no control over people, places, or things.  I was given the opportunity to “make up” a Power Greater Than Myself over which I could turn my will and my life.  

Today I can trust that this Higher Power has my back and has the control.  And with faith that everything is perfect at this very moment I have no disappointments, just journeys toward learning and growth on a path to make me the best me I can be.

The first step towards dealing with disappointments with maturity is to set realistic expectations. Even while doing so, keep room for disappointment. Do not get into anything expecting disappointment of course—that would be a sure recipe for disaster! But do keep Plan B ready. If your plans or expectations are thwarted, allow yourself time for disappointment; there is nothing wrong in feeling disappointed or disillusioned. Wallow in the emotion for a bit; understand what you are experiencing and what the loss means to you. Just know you have to snap out of it soon and in time you will get over it – whatever it is. 


So if your plans or expectations are thwarted, embrace those those incidents..  Thank them for coming.  And then let them go…even blow them a kiss good bye as you send them up to the clouds.  And then move on, knowing that everything happens for a reason, perfectly, and the best is yet to come.  A Power Greater Than Ourselves has plans for us that we can’t even create in our wildest dreams!

This also gives you time and the opportunity to assess the situation and your position. I have spoken about this in my last post on The Uplifting Power Of Perspective, that, Getting a perspective is important. How big will the impact of this disappointment be in your life? How can you minimize the damage? Do you see a silver lining and can you try and make the most of it? 


I always try to look at the glass half-full.  Living optimistically helps turn any negative situation into a positive one and always helps get me out of my ego and back in touch with who’s running the show, my Higher Power.  Taking moments throughout our hectic days to recenter is so important to our mental health and emotional well-being.  Remembering that we are NOT in control of people, places, or things is crucial.  Trust and faith helps heaps, too!

So turn it over.  Trust.  Learn.  Know that these situations are uncomfortable and try doing something differently in the future when similar situations arise.  That’s what it’s all about.  Learning.  Growing.  And then sharing with others compassionately and lovingly who are going through similar situations.

Once you accept the situation, it is easier to move away, take an objective view and plan future action. Maybe you can be allowed another chance – assess if you would like to take it or pass it up for something else. Or maybe all doors are firmly closed and you need to look towards something else. That is ok too. Life offers so many options – and gives you several chances to make good your mistakes or disappointments. Take those chances. 

While you have life and health and a positive outlook, you can always move on towards other, different victories. The key is in not letting yourself be dejected, to accept and objectively assess before moving on… 

The size of your success for anything is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way. 


Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my experience, strength and hope with you.  So how can we deal with disappointments?  By remembering “No Expectations.  No disappointments.”  Ta Da!!!  Go with the flow, that which life offers you, and know that everything is happening for a reason, perfectly!  It starts to make sense that all situations are sent our way to help us to be the best we can be!  Enjoy the journey…

With warmest aloha, Dee Harris

For those interested in inspirational quotes to get you through your hectic days, please visit my website at  Mahalo and enjoy!




When certain blogs touch me I share them with you, with a few short paragraphs from me about how it pertains to my life in recovery…Dee Harris

Dee:  This blog was inspired by “I Am:  The Power of Positive Affirmations”                      by Aishwarya Shah. 

27_hrtmorn (dbh)




All that we are is the result of what we have thought. – Buddha 

Let me teach you. 

(Yes. exactly. I will practically teach you through words here, how to use positive affirmations to your benefit. but don’t get me wrong. as Jim Carrey says – affirmations and the law of attraction is just that…you can’t say them or write them down somewhere and go and eat a sandwich and expect the universe to work in your favor miraculously. The work and effort to put into them are just as much important as the oxygen is to your lungs.) 

As you all know I’m a huge believer of affirmations and practicing meditation. 

Today’s topic has been covered by motivational speakers and has become popular over the years. I believe we are currently in a spiritual revolution where increasingly more people are practicing meditation and relaxation. In other words, Eastern medicine is becoming more popular through mainstream media, as we see more of it on television. However, people still don’t know what is meant by the phrase “positive affirmations.” 

Growing up, I for sure know, Indian (and mostly Eastern) parents teach their kids all about the importance of meditation, mantras, and affirmations. 

If you’ve been taught or know about this or believe in this topic, high five! 

The science behind positive affirmations. 

If you think affirmations is solely a spiritual thought or connotation, you’re wrong. The power of positive affirmations has been proved by science as well. 

A research summary in The Indian Journal of Psychiatry addresses the power of positive affirmations, noting specifically that neurotransmitters are affected by affirmations. The brain uses neurotransmitters to communicate information continuously, and affirmations seem to set positive pathways for these brain travelers. 

The research indicates that beliefs are not only thoughts we hold but are actual brain mechanisms mixed with emotions. The input our brain takes in from the environment goes through a filtering process as it all travels across one or more synapses. Eventually, information reaches an area of higher processing, such as the frontal lobes. This is what we think of as conscious awareness. However, the portion of our sensory information reaches these higher levels is to some degree determined by our beliefs. Essentially, we can create a more positive belief system by inputting more positive thoughts. 

A later study, published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, was able to capture the effect of affirmations using an MRI. Participants who gave positive self-affirmations showed increased activity in various parts of the prefrontal cortex and other areas of the brain. Moreover, participants with greater stimulation in those sections of the brain – which control processing and valuation – exhibited less sedentary behavior afterward than participants who did not provide positive self-affirmations. This research indicates that future behavior, as well as thoughts, can be improved by positive affirmations. 

It’s empowering to realize that even when we feel stuck in our emotions, there is a biochemical potential for positive change and growth. When we repeat a positive intention, we become open to pieces of sensory information that we’d previously been blocking with a negative belief. This becomes a self-reinforcing pattern of thought, belief, behavior. But with positive affirmations, science shows we can change those patterns. 


“Loser!”  “You’re a worthless piece of sh*t that is just a waste of space on this planet!”  “You can’t even go one day without drinking!”  “What’s wrong with you?”  That is how I used to talk to myself.  Pretty pitiful, huh?

I, too, am a true believer in positive affirmations and how I have to respect my prefrontal cortex.  When I found myself in a 28-day alcohol recovery treatment center I never thought of positive affirmations nor any part of my brain.  All I knew was that I couldn’t stop drinking no matter how hard nor how many ways I tried.  I knew I wasn’t stupid.  I knew I wasn’t a victim.  I just couldn’t stop.

Today I know that I have the disease of alcoholism and when I put a drink into my body my brain, my prefrontal cortex, which is different than “normal” drinkers, called out for more.  And that’s all I could think about.  That’s all I lived for.  I couldn’t satisfy the craving; I could’t shut my head off.

What Are Positive Affirmations? 

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the benefits of positive affirmations, I’d like to explain a little about them. 

An affirmations is really anything you say or think. A lot of what we normally say and think is quite negative and doesn’t create good experiences for us. We have to retrain our thinking and speaking into positive patterns if we want to change our lives. 

An affirmations opens the door. It’s a beginning point on the path to change. In essence, you’re saying to your subconscious mind: “I am taking responsibility. I am aware that there is something I can do to change.” When I talk about doing affirmations, I mean consciously choosing words that will either help eliminate something from your life or help create something new in your life. 

Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmations. All of our self-talk, our internal dialogue, is a stream of affirmations. You’re using affirmations every moment whether you know it or not. You’re arming and creating your life experiences with every word and thought. 

Your beliefs are merely habitual thinking patterns that you learned as a child. Many of them work very well for you. Other beliefs may be limiting your ability to create the very things you say you want. What you want and what you believe you deserve may be very different. You need to pay attention to your thoughts so that you can begin to eliminate the ones creating experiences you do not want in your life. 

Please realize that every complaint is an affirmations of something you think you don’t want in your life. Every time you get angry, you’re arming that you want more anger in your life. Every time you feel like a victim, you’re arming that you want to continue to feel like a victim. If you feel that Life isn’t giving you what you want in your world, then it’s certain that you will never have the goodies that Life gives to others – that is, until you change the way you think and talk. 

You’re not a bad person for thinking the way you do. You’ve just never learned how to think and talk (about positive affirmations). People throughout the world are just now beginning to learn that our thoughts create our experiences. 

Each time you repeat this statement, you’re rearming the seeds you’ve planted in the atmosphere of your mind. That’s why you want it to be a happy atmosphere. Things grow more quickly in rich, fertile soil. 

When you change your thinking process, then everything in your life will also change. You’ll be amazed and delighted to see how people, places, things, and circumstances can change. Don’t waste time arguing for your limitations: poor relationships, problems, illness, poverty and so on. The more you talk about the problem, the more you anchor it in place. 

Learn to turn your negative affirmations into positive ones. For instance: “I never have enough money” becomes “Money flows into my life in an abundant way.” 

Affirmations are solutions that will replace whatever problem you might have. Whenever you have a problem, repeat over and over: 

“All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe.” 

This simple affirmation will work miracles in your life! 


One thing we did every morning in rehab was repeat an affirmation of our choice, everyday, out loud to the group.  Being I’m an alcoholic and more is better, I chose two affirmations, “I am a good person,” and “I am a whole person.”

It seemed like forever since I had felt good or whole (if I ever even did or thought about it), but repeating those two affirmations for 28 days straight started to sink into not only my brain, but the very core of my being.  And to this day I repeat those affirmations daily.  It works! because today I AM a good person and I AM a whole person.  

It just took one day at a time to quit the negative self-talk, work the 12 Steps of AA with a trusted sponsor, do the footwork that was suggested by the fellowship and eventually I learned to love myself for who and what I am.  Simple affirmations will work miracles in your life!  I am living proof!

How to Repeat Affirmations? Choose Affirmations that are not too long. 

Repeat them every time your mind is not engaged in something important, such as while traveling in a bus or a train, waiting in line, walking, etc., but do not arm while driving or crossing a street. You may also repeat them in special sessions of 5-10 minutes each, several times a day. 

Be as relaxed as you can. 

Pay full attention to the words you are repeating. 

Stronger faith in what you are saying, and more desire and feelings bring faster results. 

Preferably, choose positive words with no negative connotations. If you want to lose weight, don’t use words such as, “I am not fat”, or “I am losing weight.” These are negative statements, bringing into the mind mental images of what you do not want. Repeat instead, “I am getting slim”, or “I have my ideal weight”. Such words build positive images in your mind. 

Arm, using the present tense, not the future tense. Saying, “I will be rich”, means that you intend to be rich one day, in the indefinite future, but not now. It is more effective to say, and also feel, “I am rich now”, and the subconscious mind will work at overtime to make this happen now, in the present. 

By stating what you want to be true in your life, you mentally and emotionally see and feel it as true, irrespective of your current circumstances, and thereby attract it into your life. 

However, saying affirmations is only part of the process. What you do the rest of the day and night is even more important. The secret to having your affirmations work quickly and consistently is to prepare an atmosphere for them to grow in. Affirmations are like seeds planted in soil. Poor soil, poor growth. Rich soil, abundant growth. The more you choose to think thoughts that make you feel good, the quicker the affirmations work. 

So think happy thoughts, it’s that simple. And it is doable. The way you choose to think, right now, is just that-a choice. You may not realize it because you’ve thought this way for so long, but it really is a choice. Now . . . today . . . this moment . . . you can choose to change your thinking. Your life won’t turn around overnight, but if you’re consistent and make the choice on a daily basis to think thoughts that make you feel good, you’ll definitely make positive changes in every area of your life. 

Here Is A List Of Positive Affirmations (maybe it’ll help you or get you started)

 – I am healthy and happy.
– Wealth is pouring into my life.
– I am sailing on the river of health.                                                                                                 – I am getting happier each day.
– My body is healthy and functioning in a very good way.
– I have a lot of energy.
– I study and comprehend fast.
– My mind is calm.
– I am calm and relaxed in every situation.
– My thoughts are under my control.
– I radiate love and happiness.
– I am surrounded by love.
– I have the perfect job for me.
– I have good and loving relations with my wife/husband/(or any person/people close to you)     – I have a wonderful and satisfying business/job.
– I have the means to travel abroad, whenever I want to.
– I am successful in whatever I do.
– Everything is getting better every day. (this one is my personal favorite) 


Not only have I learned to let go of negative self-talk, I have learned to trust that everything that happens in my life (no matter how negative I “think” it is), is happening for a positive reason, in a perfect way, to help me to learn and be a better and stronger human being.  If I can stay positive and optimistic I attract more positive and optimistic occurrences into my life.  If I think negatively, that is what I shall attract.  I choose positive today.

What has helped me in this process is having been given the opportunity to make up a Higher Power of My Own Understanding over which I can turn my will and my life.  So with my ego being out of the picture I can now go with the flow and trust that everything in my life, including myself, is being nurtured and protected. 

This peeling away of the onion skin didn’t happen overnight.  But one day at a time, with clarity, I started to think less and feel more.  I was experiencing wonderful things happening in my life which didn’t come from me.  I felt lighter and freer and happier and content.

So slowly rid yourself of the negative self-talk and all other negativity in your life.  Learn to love yourself for the unique gift that you are; there’s no one else on this planet like you.  Share your gifts.  Use affirmations.  They work!

Thank you for being here.  With warmest aloha, Dee Harris

For those interested in affirmations, I have created many inspirational quotes and affirmations on mosaics that can help you through any trying day or time in your life.  Please visit my website at  Mahalo and enjoy!