When You Feel Like Crap, And What To Do About It 

 When You Feel Like Crap, And What To Do About It 

by Josiah Samuel Harry 

The Mindfullness Show is back for another season. In this season (Season 2), we will be discussing the hottest topics relating to pop culture and news around the world.

You are vertical and ventilating, but you still feel like crap.  Every success initiative you employ seems to flop.  Your dreams and goals appear to be out of reach, and you’re no longer enjoying life as you once did.  Even the universe itself seems to be conspiring against you.  So how do you get yourself out of the shitty mood and get back on the path to success? 

Start your day with positive affirmation.  Make it a habit to avoid thoughts or conversations that undermine your dreams.  Do not give power and energy to negativity or anything that will deplete your mental strength.  Instead, you ought to retrain your focus on motivating energy.  Do your best to use positive words when talking.  Start your day with statements like: “I am so happy and grateful to see another beautiful day” or “I love myself for who I am” or “I will put forth my best effort and accept responsibility for my success and happiness.” 

Dee:

I use positive affirmations regularly.  I am a firm believer they work, to at least get me back in the moment in front of me.

When I was in an alcohol treatment program our group started our day reciting an affirmation we chose for ourselves.  I chose “I am a good person.  I am a whole person”.  Well, for starts, I’m in rehab so I’m not feeling real good about myself.  As a matter of fact, I feel like shit, a loser, a waste of space on the planet.  I cannot go a day without drinking.

The treatment program taught me I have the disease of alcoholism.  Then one day at a time, doing what was suggested to me there and in the rooms of AA, I began to get better.  I continued repeating that affirmation daily.  It took a long time but eventually I did feel like a good person and a whole person.  Today I not only feel it, I know I AM it!

I am also finding that it takes a lot of energy to be in a shitty mood.  It’s so much easier and lighter to be positive and optimistic.  So there’s another choice I have made to better myself and my life.  The energy I have today will be used in a helpful, hopeful, and useful way.

So if I feel shitty or have shitty thoughts I say, “Thank you for coming.  I embrace you.  You do not serve me, so please go.”  And then I allow those feeling and thoughts to be whisked away into the clouds.

Shift your paradigm.  A paradigm is a host of thoughts, ideas, and experiences that frame one’s reality.  In order to see success through its fulfillment, it necessitates adopting new beliefs that bridge your ridiculously-impossible dream with effort, skill, passion.  If your goals are small, then your effort will follow suit, and your success outcomes will likely be small.  This isn’t to say that bigger is always better, but sometimes it is. 

Dee:

I hope to never give up being a kid with a wild imagination and dreams and hopes.  If I give that up why bother going on?  There is nothing to look forward to or to be excited about.

I allow the dreams and hopes to surface from my heart and not my head.  My head seems to stifle my aspirations with rationalizations and fear.  My heart fills me with joy and potential.  Therefore, I choose to live today with a new m.o…from my heart and not my head…from that angel on my shoulder and not the devil on the other shoulder.   

And I have found that living this way, and by turning my will and my life over to the care of a Power Greater Than Myself (as suggested in the rooms of AA), I DO get to experience the Promises (pages 83-84, Chapter 6 “Into Action”, in Alcoholics Anonymous, written by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob)…in a way far greater than I could ever have imagined!

Match your actions with your ambitions.  If your goal is to establish a functional stable Mars colony, then you will need a spacecraft large and powerful enough to get you to Mars.  In order to experience high-level success, you must prioritize and devote a ton of time to the tasks that will get you closer to your goals.  Don’t let the mantra: “Everybody wants to be a winner until it’s time to do what winners do” define your reality. 

Dee:

Actions speak louder than words.  Walk my talk.  But I don’t want to.  I don’t have time.  It’s not fun.  

I used these excuses in my business I started five years ago.  Putting together an online business requires knowledge and computer skills.  Didn’t light a spark in me 5 years ago.  It was suggested to me to do certain things that, again, didn’t float my boat.  So 5 years later with just a so-so business I have chosen to better myself and my business.

I have enrolled in on-line courses, narrowing down to one particular instructor who fits me and my needs.  Hours, months, years of research.  I am finally doing what is suggested and the spark is starting to ignite.  You see, “When the student is ready, the master appears.”  Now is my time, not 5 years ago.

So the last few months I have poured myself into redesigning my website, focusing on my brand and target market, concentrating on policies and procedures.  And today I am exited to do this.  When the time is right…when I am right…it will happen!

Pivot.  To pivot is to change direction and make necessary adjustments to get you on a path that will lead to considerable growth and success.  When you conclude that you are no longer on the correct path based on experience and evidence, then it is time to redirect your time, money, and effort to another success initiative.  Sometimes you have the right idea, but there isn’t a market for that idea, yet.  So fish where the fish are, and remember to use the right bait. 

Dee:

So changing my direction and remembering who and what I am…an alcoholic in recovery with a purpose to share my experience, strength and hope…I have concentrated my efforts on a business to do just that…offer compassion, mindfulness and optimism to those who are seeking that.

I remember how important affirmations are to my life so I share them with my target market in a fun and beautiful way.  I have created art with a message to offer enjoyment and a reminder to stay in the moment and embrace who and what you are, right here, right now.  It’s finally making sense to me.  The fire is finally lit and the kid in me is excited to go to work every morning like being in a candy store.

Persist.  To persist means to rise to the occasion when your best performance is needed most—and that’s every day.  Remaining focused on accomplishing your goals in the face of opposition, setbacks, and unforeseen challenges is hard work.  Achieving your greatest potential takes time—meaning years, even decades.  Nonetheless, if you desire to experience unparalleled success, then you must be willing to stretch beyond the limits of your creative endurance. 

The common denominator among the five points above is perspective.  That is, setting high and realistic expectations for yourself and celebrating the path you are on while learning and growing. 

Dee:

So this journey of improving my business is interconnected with my journey of improving myself and my life in recovery.  Yes, we do all have to earn a living and I have chosen a path that allows my passion to thrive.

And it takes heaps of time, endurance, patience…improving my life and my business.  It is exciting to know that I am right where I need to be and that my Higher Power has my back and is guiding me in the direction that is best for me, one that serves me by serving HIm.

Yes, I’ve got to keep everything in perspective.  Remember to stay in the moment which means to stay grateful, and humble, and to Turn It Over.  It’s all interconnected.  We are all interconnected.  No coincidences.

Mahalo for being here.  With warmest aloha, Dee Harris

For those interested in checking out my Art with a Message of hope and optimism using motivational quotes and affirmations, please check out my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Enjoy!

Josiah Samuel Harry | May 8, 2018 at 5:17 pm | Tags: #america, #beauty, #blog, #blogging, #inspiration, #life, #lifestyle, #love, #men, #motherhood, #motivation, #parenting, #success, #women, #writing, awakening, Blogger, josiah harry, josiah samuel harry, natural, nature, New Post, News, Personal Development, Self Empowerment, self-improvement, the mindfullness show, When You Feel Like Shit, 

Since you’re here… 

…I wrote a book about love with the aim of sparking a national conversation about tolerance, diversity, and inclusion. The goal is to get Choose Love Not Hate into every home and school, and make our communities places of intercultural learning and hubs of compassion. It would mean the world to me if you ordered a copy of Choose Love Not Hate today. Thank you. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2018, 12:18:46 PM HST 

http://josiahharry.blog/2018/05/08/when-you-feel-like-crap-and-what-to-do-about-it/ 

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AND SO ROCK BOTTOM BECAME THE SOLID FOUNDATION ON WHICH I BUILT MY LIFE

AND SO ROCK BOTTOM BECAME THE SOLID FOUNDATION ON WHICH I BUILT MY LIFE

by Dee Harris

   I was just blessed with a 5-Year Chip.  “What is that?”, you ask.  Chips in Alcoholics Anonymous represent milestones of time achieved in sobriety.  There are 24-Hour Chips, also called Desire Chips.  There are monthly chips.  There are yearly chips.  These all represent surrender and acceptance and the time we have being clean and sober.

   “Surrender to what?”  For me there are many words I’ve learned since birth that hold negative connotations.  Surrender was one of them.  I’ve had to unlearn much of what I adopted from society.  

   Today surrender for me means I accept that I am an alcoholic.  I’ve learned that alcoholism is a disease that I did not choose, nor can I will-power away.  Kind of like being a woman or of Chinese descent.  It is what it is.  Period.  Therefore, surrender is no longer a word in my dictionary holding thoughts of loss.  In this case for me, it actually denotes thoughts of victory…accepting the cards I’ve been dealt and being okay with them, but more so, even thriving from them.

   “So what’s the big deal with these chips?”  Even though one of the slogans I learned in AA is “There are no big deals”, receiving these chips IS A BIG DEAL to me.  You see, I’m an alcoholic.  That means I have a physical allergy to alcohol and a mental obsession to it as well.  

   Believe you me that I have tried every imaginable remedy to NOT drink everyday, morning, noon and night.  Why was it that drinking was all I could think about?  Aaahhh…done with work.  Now I can drink.  Aaahhh…work week is over.  Now I can drink.  Aaahhh…holiday.  Now I can drink.  Well that snowballed into everyday that ends in “Y”.  Now I can drink.  It snowballed from “now I can drink” to “I have to drink.”  Drinking took over my entire life, my mind, body and soul.  Shitty, yeah?

   So for an alcoholic who has reached rock bottom, who cannot live a normal life without drinking, any length of time in sobriety IS A BIG DEAL.  But I am here to share another big deal that I’ve learned along my journey through life.  Once I built that solid foundation of a life in recovery, there are no guarantees that I get to keep it.

   Why would I want to keep it?  Because I don’t HAVE TO DRINK today and everyday.  I don’t have to live my entire life in negativity and despair.  I don’t have to hate and loathe myself.  I don’t have to feel I’m a waste of space on the planet.

   Today I get to have a purpose to share my experience, strength and hope with the world.  That includes sharing my journey with other alcoholics who are struggling with or trying to get to sobriety.  But that also includes sharing my journey and optimism with everyone who enters my bubble who has demons with which they are dealing.  We all have them.

   Alcoholics Anonymous, the fellowship, the Big Book, the Twelve Steps, have gifted me with a life beyond my wildest dreams!  Please note, that I do not represent the organization of Alcoholics Anonymous in any way, shape or form.  Everything shared here is my opinion.  My growth from using these tools have awarded me self-love, self-worth, and self-respect.  I had none of that before getting sober.  

   Why?  Because I lived in fear.  The experiences I received from society ingrained in me that more is better…more power, more money, more beauty, more material things, more of all that stuff that would never make me happy inside my being.

   So I lived a life trying to impress you.  I lived a life of a lie because I didn’t love myself.  Today my story is to stress to you that you do not have to live this way.  Be true to yourself.  Love yourself.  Accept yourself for the gift that you are.  Gifts that only you have!  And share those gifts.

   Ok.  Back to having no guarantees of keeping this most awesome life in sobriety.  You see, my life got good.  I stayed sober.  I actively participated in my recovery with the AA fellowship and did all that was suggested.  One day at a time.  But more and more good stuff kept being served up on my plate.  I couldn’t keep up.  And one day at a time I sacrificed my AA ties for the gifts of sobriety.  I went to fewer meetings.  I stopped giving back what was so freely given me when I needed it most.  I separated myself from the newcomer so I forgot what it was like struggling to get sober.

   I “thought” I was staying connected to my Higher Power, a Power Greater Than Myself, to which I vowed to turn over my will and my life.  But without staying active with the AA fellowship, my thoughts once again took over.  Dee’s will once again took over.  I was fooling myself and had no genuinely interested party to call me on my shit.

   When offered that shot of tequila the words vomited from my mouth, “No, thank you.  I haven’t had a drink in 13 and a half years.”  Vomit.  Just words.  No meaning.  No heart.  So when that drink was left for me, it yelled at me.  My insurance policy had lapsed long ago when I stopped going to meetings.  So I drank it.

   Immediately the devil and the drink, the disease of Alcoholism, took over every fiber of my being.  Immediately I wanted more.  Thus, lying, cheating, hiding and all the negativity that comes with my drinking once again reared its ugly head.  You see, the disease was doing push ups waiting for that pinhole of weakness to arise.  And it did!

   Once being exposed to AA and going back out (drinking, drugging), actively using will never be the same.  We have learned where this disease will take us.  To the gates of insanity, hell or death.  “Thinking” that I was having a nervous breakdown, my doctor told me to simply get back into AA.  Never even occurred to me; that’s how sick I was.

   Once again I am on that pick cloud of life in sobriety doing everything suggested by the fellowship and my new sponsor.  I take a 1-Year Chip.  And then…

   I guess I wasn’t truly ready to surrender to this disease.  I needed to play Russian Roulette just one more time.  When my dentist asked if I had any pain pills before extracting a tooth (and I did check off on the admission form that I AM an alcoholic; so what?), this happy little kid in a candy store elatedly said, “No!”  Off and running again. So when there was no pain and plenty of pills left, I knew I had blown my sobriety, so I drank them down.  

   Hey, I was actively involved in AA and the fellowship.  What gives?  My Higher Power gives.  He gives me lessons and a journey to bring me to where He needs me to be.

   A few more months of enjoying the high of lying, cheating, hiding.  Hitting meetings and repeatedly saying, “Hi, I’m Dee.  I’m an alcoholic.  I drank last night”.  Then drinking again.  Going through an out-patient program.  Hitting my knees.  Hoping through osmosis that I would stop drinking.

   Surrender and acceptance.  Today I have a 5-year chip.  I also have a 1-year chip.  And a 13-year chip.  No guarantees, boys and girls.  Please, do not “Keep Coming Back”.  PLEASE, DO NOT EVER LEAVE!!!

   Much aloha to you and thank you for reading.  Know that you are not unique and definitely not alone.  We are here for you.  Not to judge you but to love you until you can love yourself.  Know not to feel guilt nor shame.  Just accept and surrender.  Let’s ride this pink cloud together…forever and ever!

   Aloha, Dee

For those interested in Art with a Message of Recovery, Hope and Optimism, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Mahalo and enjoy!

How to Bring Your Passions and Purpose to Life 

How to Bring Your Passions and Purpose to Life 

By Nicolette Stinson

Wouldn’t it be nice if, when you were born, you were given a GPS programmed with the destination: “MY PURPOSE”? Then, you would always be alerted to the exact turns to make, and know when you are on or off course to your purpose. 

That sounds wonderful, considering studies have shown (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201502/what-do-scientists-know-about-finding- purpose-in-life) that having a sense of purpose makes you more resilient, supports you in reaching your life goals, and contributes to a longer, happier, and healthier life. 

Well, good news! You actually were born with an internal GPS alerting you to when you are on and off course to your purpose; you just haven’t been taught how to use it. Learn how to use your internal GPS (Guided Passion System) to direct you toward your purpose and live a more abundant life. 

Dee:

“When the student is ready, the Master appears.”  I really believe this, that from the moment we were born, or even before, that our lives have been plotted out by a Power Greater than Ourselves.  There are no coincidences.  Everything happens for a reason.  Perfectly.  It’s up to us how we want to interpret those experiences.

I didn’t always feel this way.  As a matter of fact, I was the total opposite.  I didn’t have a God or a Higher Power throughout most of my life.  Therefore, I was the controlling factor.  Just me and my brain.  If I wanted it badly enough I would “think” of a way to get it.

It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s and drinking myself to death that I realized I couldn’t “think” myself out of not drinking everyday.  With that drinking came a life full of negativity…lying, hiding, cheating.  I had no self-worth and, definitely, no self-love.  I would look at myself in the bathroom mirror with a drink in one hand and and made an “L” with the other hand which I placed over my forehead.  “Loser.”  That’s who and what I was.  Then. 

 I had no purpose.  I was a waste of space on the planet.  I had two beautiful sons, an awesome husband, a great job, a warm home, a dog, and two cars in the garage.  Yet I had no purpose, but to get that drink in me.

To make a long story short, the Master appeared.  I was ready to surrender, or at least desperate enough to get some help.  That’s when the miracle happened.  After spending 28 days in a l treatment program, I found that I had the disease of alcoholism.  I learned what alcoholism was.  I was introduced to AA.  I was told I could make up a Power Greater Than Myself.  The rest is history.

Throughout the years of my recovery I have found that, indeed, I do have a purpose.  One that was plotted out for me by my Higher Power.  The student was ready.  My purpose is to share my experience, strength and hope with others who are struggling and have yet to find self-worth, self-love, purpose, and, of course, sobriety.

Finding Your Passion 

A passion is simply a topic or activity that: 

You enjoy

Dee:

If it ain’t fun, I ain’t doin’ it.
Comes naturally to you

Dee:

If it’s too hard, it ain’t fun.
Energizes and lights you up

Dee:

Every morning I wake up with an excitement to take on the day.  Me and my Higher Power.  I know that all will flow just the way it is supposed to.  I have no expectations; therefore, no disappointments.  I shall go with the flow, let my god do the driving, enjoy the ride and learn and meet what and who I should.  Such an easier way to live than being in control.
Puts you in flow and makes time seem to fly by when you engage in it 

It can also be akin to an obsession—something that you can’t get enough of. It’s where you go in daydreams or what sometimes keeps you awake and excited at night. 

Dee:

How bizarre to have a job that I love to do.  One that feeds my soul.  I remember my counselor, Judith, saying to me before leaving rehab and knowing I would be going back to my grocery-checker job, how it was a waste.  A waste for me to be a grocery checker.  I copped a resentment, being a pretty raw newcomer.  I didn’t realized then that there are no coincidences.

I took an early retirement from my grocery checker job to live my passion…to do art, to create, to live from my heart and not my head.  It’s taken a few years to get this business up and running and I still have so far to go.  But it’s exciting.  Not only am I learning something new everyday about business, I am learning something new everyday about me.  Change is good.

And not only am I creating art from stained glass, I am creating art with a message.  A message of hope, inspiration and motivation.  Art that brings out the emotion in you to take life more simply, take yourself more lightly…and that you are perfect, a gift to the world, unique, just the way you are.

The spiritual Law of Dharma (or purpose in life) teaches that you have one thing you do, and one way of doing it—that is a particular need in the world can only be filled by your unique expression. Living your dharma all starts with strategically following your passion. Write a list of the topics and activities where you feel any of the above, and these are your passions. 

How Passion Leads to Purpose 

You have a built-in GPS mechanism keeping you in alignment with your purpose. Its signals are communicated in bodily sensations telling you when you are headed away from or toward your purpose. This GPS is your own personal compass. Your true passions will guide you on your purpose path by sending your body positive signals. 

Dee:

I get those signals.  Don’t you?  Deep in your gut something just ain’t right.  When I get them I talk to them, those feelings.  “Thanks for coming.  You are not serving me.  You can go now”, and I let them get whisked away into the clouds.

When you fail to honor your true passions, and start moving away from your purpose, your physical self sends out signs of discomfort such as: 

Low energy or chronic fatigue

Dee:

Nothing worse than using the little energy and small amount of disc space I have left in my brain for thoughts and tasks that do not serve me.  I want to crawl back into bed; but better yet, let that shit go.

Feeling trapped, having a pit in your stomach, or digestive disorders 

Dee:

There’s that oh-oh feeling I was talking about.  Embrace it.  Thank it for visiting.  Let it go.

Forgetfulness or inability to concentrate

Dee:

I get this way when I forget to live in the moment.  My head is all over the planet like I’m running on a hamster wheel and nobody’s home.  Easy remedy.  Get back in the moment.  Get back grateful.  Get back humble.

Disease, headaches, anxiety, depression, insomnia, addiction 

Dee:

Been there; done that.  Not such an easy remedy.  Just know that you are right where you need to be at this very moment, but that this, too, shall pass (even the wonderful pink-cloud moments pass).  Do not carry shame, embarrassment nor guilt.  We all have our demons.  No that you are not unique nor alone.  We can get through this together.

Pick up that 1,000 pound phone and reach out.  The one who answers the phone doesn’t know who you are or can see.  And when you are ready, the master appears.  Remember, things happen for a reason.  There are no coincidences.  Know your journey is taking you to a place of greatness, contentment, freedom.  One day at a time.

On the contrary, when you follow your passions, and are moving toward your purpose, you experience: 

Once you are clear about which passions are leading you towards true purpose, you may feel called to start a purpose-driven passion project that benefits others. 

Bringing your purpose to life requires feedback in the real world, and having a solid plan to launch your passion project is vital to the fulfillment of your purpose. Your passion project plan should: 

Be built around a specific niche; or use a unique blend of your passions and skills to serve as the answer to a problem faced by a particular segment of the population.

Have a basic financial plan and structures including a personal savings plan if needed, project expenses, and sales goals.

Include specific targeted goals including the objectives of the project. How many people do you want to reach? In what amount of time? How do you want the project to affect your audience? How will you reach your audience?

Have a unique brand message and identity as represented in your online presence. 

Present a specific value and voice that differentiates you from potential competitors in the market. 

Dee:

It’s very important to write a Mission Statement and Business Plan.  I read about this early on and put it on the back burner.  For the first year of my business I stayed super busy doing nothing.  I wasn’t really getting anywhere because I didn’t have a plan nor did I know where I wanted to go.  Doesn’t sound fun, but will give you direction and goals to achieve.

Before starting your passion project you may want to: 

Ask for advice or mentorship from someone who is a step ahead of where you ultimately want to go.

Dee:

There is a wealth of mentorship at your fingertips.  Get on the internet and learn from other’s direction and mistakes.  Helps tremendously in saving you the time of trial and error.  Helps you to focus your energy in a positive direction.

Create a positive mindset and using affirmations to build confidence and let go of your fears and doubts. 

Dee:

My art business has grown from my passion of creating stained glass pieces to using the glass scraps and creating mosaics.  Because I’m a word-nut and a big believer in affirmations, I include quotes and inspirational sayings on my mosaics.  In this way I can not only bring out the emotion in you with a beautiful work of art, but I can also bring out the emotion in you with my words.

When I was in rehab we had a meeting every morning in which we came up with an affirmation which we repeated out loud to the group.  My affirmation was, “I am a good person and a whole person.”  I can remember deep in my gut how I felt so unworthy and damaged and purposeless that when I said this affirmation, I felt anything but good nor whole.  

But this affirmation I took with me beyond my 28-days and, one day at a time, I finally feel good and whole.  Not only that, as I peeled the layers of my onion away, I can start to feel good in my own skin…even love myself for who and what I am.  What a gift!  Affirmations work! to get you back in the moment knowing your journey is perfect for you.

Take part-time trainings to develop your passion-based skills in your spare time.

Become a volunteer to gain experience in an area you are passionate about.

Dee:

Service is key in my recovery.  Recovery is my everything, before my art, before my family.  My everything.  Being in service not only includes going to meetings and sponsoring in AA, I’ve also been given the opportunity to volunteer at our local AA office, speak at DUI classes, and have a book study in my home.  But more importantly I can use my recovery, my story, my experience, strength and hope, to give anyone who enters my “bubble” a little glimpse of hope and optimism, a little bit of “you are not alone” and “you are an asset.”

 Find a champion who supports your desires for finding purpose and consulting them often.

Seek to understand what you care about most, what drives you and what change you want to create in the world.  Write it down, have conversations about it, and systematically test your assumptions about what gives you deep purpose.

Dee:

Writing these blogs helps me tremendously in moving forward on my journey.  If one person reads one thing that gives hope, even a crack of a smile, I have achieved my purpose.

When I sell my art at markets I have been gifted with the most awesome and heart-felt relationships and conversations with like-minded people who have entered my booth and my “bubble”.  When I let my guard down and practice rigorous honesty, I allow the strength of those interactions achieve their highest goals, and I get to experience my highest self.  This miracle has happened only because I can love myself and be comfortable in my own skin, for who and what I am.

Deeply understand how your passions and skills are valued by others.

Dee:

I “feel” the feedback via words and actions of others.  The responses I get on social media have been wonderful, even when I doubted myself and my postings.  I “feel” the value of my art and my message when someone buys my art and from the aloha and hugs I receive from that purchase.  Or “just” from a conversation or a future non-coincidental encounter.  I get to feel today.  I don’t have to think.  I don’t have to worry.  I just know that everything is perfect at this moment.

With warmest aloha, Dee Harris

For those interested in checking out my Art with a Message, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Mahalo and enjoy!

About the Author 

Nicolette Stinson (/bios/nicolette-stinson)

Certified Coach, Yoga Instructor and Perfect Health Instructor 

Nicolette is an online personal brand strategist for coaches and wellness professionals. She is also a Certified Coach, Chopra Center Perfect Health Instructor, and Yoga Teacher as well as an avid student of mindfulness, creativity, personal development, and spirituality. Visit http://www.nicolettestinson.com (http://www.nicolettestinson.com) to learn more. Read more (/bios/nicolette-stinson) 

From The Chopra Center

Holding Space: The Art of Being Present with Others 

Holding Space: The Art of Being Present with Others 

By Adam Brady

Holding space is a conscious act of being present, open, allowing, and protective of what another needs in each moment. The term has been growing in popularity among caregivers, healers, yogis, and spiritual seekers. It’s a broadly used phrase to define the act of “being there” for another. The effects of this practice, however, go much deeper than simply offering support. 

Consider the individual words for a moment. To hold means to embrace or encircle someone or something in your grasp. Physically, this might take the form of a hug or the cradling of a hand in yours. But you can also embrace someone non-physically with your intention, attention, and energy. Space refers to the immediate environment you are sharing with another. This, too, may be the physical space of a room, but more frequently refers to the mental and emotional environment you are in with others. Put together, these words embody the principle of surrounding the environment with your awareness (https://chopra.com/articles/the-three-qualities- of-awareness) in a way that provides comfort and compassion for all. 

Dee:

I’ve been practicing being mindful, attentive and respectful to all that enters “Dee’s bubble” for awhile now.  I pray on my way to market every Sunday to sell my art, to be present, in the moment, for prosperity.  Prosperity, no longer means financial, as the rewards I’ve been given for making eye-contact, lending an ear, and offering a hug to those that enter my bubble have taught me more about human beings and compassion than money could ever buy.  The bonds I have made have lifted me to a whole new level of living and mind-set.  That we are all on this planet together, for each other, hopeful, optimistic, loving, and together we can ripple our message across the planet.

Holding space involves several specific qualities of consciously relating to others, the sum of which are greater than the individual parts. Let’s explore these attributes and see how they can deepen your ability to hold space for others. 

Safety 

A key component to holding space is the quality of safety. For others to be open, genuine, and oftentimes vulnerable (https://chopra.com/articles/5-ways-to-feel-less-vulnerable), they must feel secure and have a sense of trust. People won’t let down their defenses until they know it is safe to do so. 

Dee:

The first thing I thought of when reading this was about my physical safety.  Being born and raised in California in an area where crime was rampant caused me to be aware of my safety and surroundings at all times.  It has taken time for me to let my guard down now living on the Big Island of Hawai’i (I shall never be stupid enough to entirely be blind to my safety altogether) and feeling safe and protected.  I have found that when someone offers a helping hand there is no ulterior motive.  The Hawai’ian way of living with aloha has been so beneficial and healing for me.

Being an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me to let the guard of my feelings and actions down, to trust others with me and my bubble, to people who honor each other’s anonymity and trust that other’s will do the same for them.  With that trust we can become rigorously honest about ourselves and our lives.  We can close the door on the past, learning and growing from our experiences, moving forward to a hopeful, optimistic and free future.

Like a medieval cathedral nestled within the city’s fortress walls, you need to create an environment in which all who enter feel protected from harm. This safety implies an unspoken “sheepdog” mentality that serves as a guardian and authentically maintains confidentiality, transparency, and impeccability in all you say and do. 

Dee:

I’ve learned to live my life with the principles of Hawai’i and AA.  This new outlook on life and others has invited beautiful and meaningful relationships and experiences into “my bubble”.

Suspended Self-Importance 

A vitally important aspect of holding space is the understanding that it’s not about you. When you hold space you must make the conscious decision to leave your ego (https://chopra.com/articles/is-the-ego-your-friend-or- foe) at the door. Holding space is about serving others and your personal concerns or needs are not part of the process. Suspending your sense of self-importance can be challenging and should be considered a prerequisite for the practice. If you aren’t able to put your ego in the back for a time, you’ll be ill-suited to be present for the needs of others. Holding space requires radical humility and the willingness to be a temporary caretaker of the feelings and concerns of another. 

Dee:

Ok, getting out of self took me a long time to grasp and will always be a work in progress; I shall always be a work in progress.

Finding I could not go a day without drinking brought me to the rooms of AA.  Getting a sponsor and working the Twelve Step of Alcoholics Anonymous has totally changed me.  I found that I lived fear-based my entire life before recovery; I feared what you thought of me.  I put your needs before my own, and not in a good or healthy way.  In a way that told me I wasn’t worthy, I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t love myself nor feel comfortable in my own skin.  Yikes!  I was so into my selfish self, again, not in a good or healthy way.  I was sick.  My thinking was sick.

Working through the Steps has afforded me the ability to love myself for who and what I am and know that all is perfect at this very moment…especially me!  I can be present for those who haven’t received that gift…yet…and be there with every fiber of my being to help them on their journey of self-love and self-worth.  It no longer is about me, but I reap the benefits!

Attention 

One of the most precious gifts you can give another is the gift of your full and complete attention. However, listening attentively without the need to respond, interrupt, or comment is a skill that takes considerable practice to master. Even with the best of intentions, your ego may sneak back in; it looks for opportunities to subtly make things about you instead of the other. 

Dee:

I love the saying, “Excuse me.  Did I interrupt the middle of your sentence with the beginning of my sentence?” when someone abruptly butts in.  I diligently practice not doing this.  My head might start to spin out of control with thoughts and ideas I want to add to the conversation, but…”Hey, Dee, you’re not in the moment, you’re not being respectful nor mindful to the person in front of you.  Knock it off and get back right-sized”.

When holding space you must work diligently to maintain eye contact, be free of distractions, be fully attentive, and cultivate an openness or “space consciousness” in which there is no “me,” but rather the ever-present witness of the sounding board of consciousness. 

To this end, make the commitment to cultivate what British author Stuart Wilde called silent power by resisting the urge to speak unless you are asked to. This, coupled with your full awareness, can be a profoundly powerful experience for those in your presence. Your attention, focused and all-inclusive of whatever is happening in the moment, opens the door for others to see the reflection of their own soul in you—the Self talking to itself. 

Dee:

Learning to be rigorously honest in AA has been very freeing for me.  When I practice honesty I no longer have to waste my energy or data space in my brain remembering what I might have said or done in the past.  It frees me up for living positively.  However, when someone asks for my opinion and I get that gut feeling that my answer might hurt or not be what they are expecting to hear, I allow them the choice of whether they really want to hear my “rigorously honest” opinion or not.  They usually do.

Practice Acceptance 

Holding space is all about allowing—allowing this person or group to feel what they feel. Allowing them to say what they need to say. Allowing yourself to be whatever they need you to be right now. Holding space, therefore, isn’t about controlling anything. Your role is that of a guardian of the space. Like two cupped hands filled with water, you are there to hold the other with your awareness. In doing so, you must allow that experience to take whatever shape it will.

Accept this moment as it is. Accept others as they are, without any desire to change them, or wanting them to be something different. This, too, can be a challenge since you are conditioned to immediately try to change things you think should be different. But, in holding space, practicing acceptance gives others a priceless gift—the freedom to be just as they are. 

Dee:

If there were a magic pill to “fix” me when I was active in my disease of alcoholism, I wouldn’t be in the “happy, joyous, and free” place that I am now.  I realized that there are no coincidences.  People, places and things have come into my life just as they were supposed to, and that includes decades of drinking and drugging.  I had to trudge my own road to happy destiny, to experience my own journey, and I allow and embrace that is what other’s are doing in their lives.  I don’t even attempt to fix; that would not serve them nor help them to become who they were intended to be.

Nonjudgement 

Holding space is an impartial process. You’re not there to pass judgement or to evaluate another. When you judge another’s experience you create additional mental static that will only get in the way and obscure the truth. In the moment when you’re holding another’s fears, suffering (https://chopra.com/articles/a-modern-take-on- the-roots-of-suffering), or grief, your opinions are irrelevant. 

Unless you’ve been through what they’re going through, you’ll never truly understand their feelings. Being there is enough. Good and bad are merely a matter of perspective and in this moment, your perspective isn’t the one that’s important. 

Dee:

But I really do try to put myself in the other person’s shoes.  I will never know everything that person has experienced and those experiences have made the person who they are at that moment.  Accept and be present.

No one is better than me, nor worse than me, and vice versa.  We are all equal no matter our history, where we live, our gender, our education, on and on…  We are human beings sharing this planet, meant to do so in harmony.  Let’s just try to do that lovingly, compassionately, the best that we can in the moment…and let it ripple across the planet.

Compassion 

Although you nonjudgmentally practice acceptance with your full attention, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t prefer things to be better. Compassion (https://chopra.com/articles/4-steps-to-finding-peace-through- compassion) is an essential quality for the practice of holding space. To embrace another in acceptance is an act of compassion in and of itself. In your openness to the pain of others you are essentially saying, “How can I help you? I don’t want you to hurt. What can I do to help support your highest good?” Even if not spoken aloud, these intentions to relieve the suffering of others are the essence of compassion. 

In many cases, simply being a loving presence can bring about a deep sense of relief that eases the pain of another. The world can use more compassion, so the practice of holding space provides an opportunity to continually build this vitally important skill. 

Witnessing 

Witnessing allows you to play a special part while holding space—that of the observer. Like in quantum physics, the observer is what triggers the collapse of the wave of potential into a particle, the non-local into the localized phenomenon. But this doesn’t involve any action on the observer’s part. In holding space you’re just there as the witness, almost like a fly on the wall. Naturally, you can participate if requested to do so, but essentially your role is that of the watcher. 

It is said that when Gautama (the future Buddha) was on the verge of enlightenment, he was tempted by the forces of darkness and their king, the demon Mara. With his entire demon army descending upon them, Mara demands the Gautama produce a witness to his awakening. Gautama simply touches the earth with his fingers and says, “The earth itself is my witness.” With this gesture, Mara and his arm vanish, and Gautama becomes the Buddha or Awakened One. Like the earth the Buddha touches, you are the witnesses to those who you hold space for. 

Through the practice of holding space, you serve as a container for which the healing and transformation can take place. It’s a powerful gift of presence that you can give to others through the quality of your attention. 

Dee:

…and this gift of presence will be returned to you tenfold!

With much aloha, Dee Harris

For those interested in Art with a Message of Being Mindful and In the Moment, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Mahalo and have an awesome day!

About the Author 

Adam Brady, Vedic Educator 

Yoga teacher, author, and martial artist Adam Brady has been associated with the Chopra Center for nearly 20 years. He is a certified Vedic Educator trained in Primordial Sound Meditation (/articles/what-is-primoridal- sound-meditation), Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga (/teach/seven-spiritual-laws-yoga-teacher-training target=), and Perfect Health: Ayurvedic Lifestyle (/teach/perfect-health-certification-program), and regularly teaches in the Orlando, Florida, area. Over the last several years, Adam has worked to introduce corporate mind-body wellness programs into the workplace within a large… Read more (/bios/adam-brady)                                                 

from The Chopra Center

HOPE: THE MAGIC INGREDIENT YOU NEED IN LIFE

Hope: The Magic Ingredient You Need in Life

By Melissa Eisler

In a world full of fear, stress, and sadness, it can become second-nature to develop a negative worldview. There seems to be more pain than you can heal, more dissent than you can mediate, and more uncertainty than you can make sense of. In times like these, what options are there to comfort yourself and bring forth positivity?

The difference between those who let their circumstances bring them down and those who choose to embrace the goodness of life and find that comfort lies with the important element ofhope.

Hope is a powerful antidote to feelings of despair and desolation. A life marked by hope is a life marked by optimism, regardless of where you find yourself It doesn’t mean that you are always happy or that you can’t feel emotions like hurt, sadness, or anger, but it does mean that your view of your circumstances – and those of the world around you – goes beyond what is actually happening.

When you hold onto hope, you begin to understand that you are part of a greater narrative that includes both global and personal experiences of joy and suffering. Simply put, hope brings perspective. It can sustain you during the hard times and bring even more fulfillment to the good times.

While hope acts as the perpetual light in the midst of darkness, it’s not easily cultivated in the dark. Develop your hope muscles while times are good so that you can better tap into it when life takes a turn for the worse. Here are four ways to cultivate hope.

Seek Inspiration

Hope requires a dependence on something greater than yourself. Where it’s honoring a Higher Power or recognizing that the Universe has pieces at play that are beyond your control, hope is built on the understanding that you and your circumstances are not the epicenter of what

makes the world move. Tapping into that understanding helps you gain perspective and allows you to not depend simply on your feeling about a particular situation.

Dee:

Before getting clean and sober I had no Higher Power…I had no hope. I was spiraling fast into the depths of hell. But having no religion in my background I had no clue about Heaven and Hell, God, Devil, any of that. But from my experiences growing up I felt that drugs and alcohol were what the Devil was all about.

By the grace of a Power Greater than Myself I miraculously found myself in a treatment program. There I learned that I could have a Higher Power of my own understanding. So I made one up. It was full of good…kindness, love, warmth, forgiveness, happiness…and everything that gave me hope. Over the years my Higher Power has developed and strengthened and has guided me to strengthen as well.

Today I turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power. I let it do the driving and teach me what I need to learn as I ride along in the passenger seat. I turn my control over to this entity and find my life is so much easier, lighter and rewarding that I could have ever imagined possible!

Use times of prayer and meditation to reflect on the good in the world, starting with what you are thankful for in your immediate surroundings (including opportunities you’ve had and loved ones who surround you). Then, reflect on your broader community. Instead of harping on the negative things happening in life, see how people are caring for each other and improving the lives of those around them. See the world how it could be and recognize that your sense of being is found beyond the temporal world. Get inspired by all the good there is in the world – because it is always there, it is sometimes just buried under the muck.

Dee:

I strive to keep negativity out of my life and look at the glass half full. Even in the darkest, most hideous events, I can find a pinhole of positivity. These events seem to bring people and communities together, to love and show compassion, to be of service and just “there” for one another. Most of us human beings are full of goodness; we just don’t sell news.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

Oftentimes, the who and what you surround yourself with dictates whether or not you have a positive or negative worldview. There is power in surrounding yourself with positive people, environments, and experiences that bring you joy and encourage you to become the person you want to be. This doesn’t have to mean that your life has to be all rainbows and butterflies, but it does mean that you should put some effort into surrounding yourself with elements that create a positive life.

Dee:

Today my life is full of like-minded people in recovery. We have all come from depths of hell in our own ways to find the light and hope in a life without substance abuse. We are all so grateful

and humble for this new life and our purpose is to share our experience, strength and hope with all who are struggling.

Not all of us in recovery are happy, joyous and free. Some are still pretty negative and on their pity-pots. When they choose to remain there for this part of their journey I must distance myself so not to jeopardize my own sobriety, serenity and chi. But not without first stressing that I am here for them when they are ready to turn it over to a Power Greater Than Themselves.

This also means purposefully distancing yourself from negativity. Creating boundaries to protect yourself from negativity can be challenging. It might mean limiting time with a life-long friend or family member who is always complaining, turning off the somber news reports you’ve become addicted to, or switching joys to avoid a toxic workplace. While it can be difficult to make these types of life changes, saying no to negativity and yes to your well-being can create a life that will sustain you through good times and bad. By leading a positive life, you are honoring your own needs.

Dee:

I oftentimes get to spend weeks at a time with family members who ruffle my feathers. Sometimes I can walk into a room and cut the tension with a knife. I try to be mindful and in the moment, grateful for this time together. I try to make it count. But it takes energy that I feel I should not have to expend to make “quality” time with loved ones.

Turning that time into a positive helps tremendously. Remembering all the positive things that they have done for me humbles me. Tuning in to “I have no control over people, places and things” and “They are on their own journeys” reminds me that everything is perfect in this moment. I call my sponsor. I go to a meeting.

Get Involved in Your Community

One of the most effective ways to get out of your own cycle of self-reliance and tap into hope is to serve others. Your community has local organizations that need volunteers to help pack lunch bags for the homeless or build houses for families in need. You can use your professional skills to create a marketing campaign for a hospice care organization or raise funds for a cancer research center.

When you get involved in what’s happening in your community, you are exposed to different people with different views. You get a front row seat as a witness to people taking care of one another. It can restore your faith in the goodness of people and help you realize that everyone has issues they are facing; it’s not just you. While you may not be able to completely change someone’s circumstances, you can help bring joy and perspective to their situation. This helps to create a more holistic view of your own life, seeing that there is good amidst the bad.

Dee:

Because I am a recovering alcoholic most of my community involvement revolves around Alcoholics Anonymous. I learned early on that service is critical. Suiting up and showing up for a meeting is service. There I can give back what was so freely given me when I needed it most…experience, strength and hope. That is my way of saying “Thank you for this awesome

life”. I also get great joy from speaking at DUI Classes once or twice a month. If my message can give one person a glimmer of hope, then my purpose was served.

Celebrate

The truth is, there is always something you can celebrate in your life. Celebrations are usually reserved for big milestones – birthdays, anniversaries, job promotions, and births – but you also have the opportunity to celebrate the little things. Take your spouse out for a casual dinner as a “job well done” for cleaning the house. Treat your kid to an ice cream cone for presenting her class project.

And the most fun celebrations don’t even have to revolve around an accomplishment. Declare next Tuesday your favorite day of that week and buy lunch for your co-workers, drive outside the city to star-gaze with a loved one just because you want to, and wear your fanciest clothes to dinner tonight just because you’re worthy of something special.

By creating a rhythm and mood of celebration, you can train your mind and heart to recognize the good in your life. This hope can sustain you through the thin and thick of life. Regardless of what you’re facing, what you see on the news, or how dire your circumstances may seem, hope can help you look at your life and say, “I’m glad to be alive.”

Dee:

Just remember to stay in the moment and know that everything is perfect at this very moment… especially YOU! You are not in control and there is a Higher Power that has your back…to guide you, protect you, teach you, love you. That Higher Power is your hope!

Aloha, Dee Harris

For those of you interested in positive and hopeful Art with a Message, please visit my website at http://www.DeesignsByHarris.com. Enjoy! Mahalo and have a hopeful day!

About the Author

Melissa Eisler
Certified Yoga and Meditation Instructor and Writer

Melissa is the Senior Content Strategist at the Chopra Center. Also a yoga instructor, she is passionate about motivating people to live a healthy, balanced, and purposeful life. Melissa is the author of The Type A’s Guide to Mindfulness: Meditation for Busy Minds and Busy People (http://amzn.to/1J1dYvz), a practical guide for new meditators in the modern world, and the creator of mindfulminutes.com (http://mindfulminutes.com/), a personal blog about mindfulness and life balance in the digital age. Melissa teaches Vinyasa classes at her favorite studio in San Diego, meditation and yoga to kids and families in the oncology ward…(Read more (/bios/melissa-eisler).

Taken from The Chopra Center

How to Be Mindful Without Meditation 

How to Be Mindful Without Meditation 

By Sara Schairer

Do you ever find yourself avoiding your meditation cushion? Whether subconsciously or on purpose, you’re not making the time to sit.  Or have you tried meditating, and you’ve decided it’s not for you?

Luckily, meditation and mindfulness are not one in the same. You don’t have to meditate in order to be mindful. Mindfulness is a nonjudgmental awareness of thoughts, sensations, surroundings, and emotions, and meditation is one tool for developing mindfulness but isn’t the only tool.

When you are consciously bringing your wandering mind back to the present moment, you are cultivating mindfulness. You can do that in everyday life by tuning into your surroundings.

Dee:

I often remind myself that all I have is this very perfect moment, right here, right now, in front of my nose.  I’ve got to notice it, savor it, cherish it.  It will never come again as life changes constantly and I am always in transition.

When I allow myself to get in the moment, I am truly present, truly grateful.  There are no thoughts or regrets of the past.  There are no worries or anxieties of the future.  Just now.  Feeling the breeze.  Hearing the birds.  There are no coincidences of everything happening within and around me at this very moment.

Experiment with using your senses to notice these new things as you move throughout your day, and see what happens.

1. Notice Your Bed

When you first wake up, notice the feeling of your sheets against your skin and your mattress and pillow supporting you. Feel the air against your face, and notice the air temperature.

2. Take a Mindful Sip 

Stop for a moment to savor your morning beverage of choice. Smell and examine your coffee or tea before taking a slow sip. Close your eyes and wholly feel and taste the liquid on your tongue before swallowing.

3. Savor Your Shower 

Have you ever truly paid attention in the shower? What does the water feel like as it hits your skin? Notice the soap as it lathers, and tune into the feeling of the soap on your skin. Mindfully massage your scalp as you shampoo your hair.

4. Cherish Your Family Members 

If you have children or a partner at home, can you notice something new about their morning routines? With nonjudgmental curiosity, observe their moods, energy levels, morning greetings, and favorite breakfast items. What can you notice that you’ve never seen them do before?

5. Consciously Commute 

If you drive to work, try tuning into the feel of your steering wheel in your hands, and notice the air conditioning or heat against your skin. If you’re on a train, subway, or bus, first pat yourself on the back for taking mass transportation. Then tune into the feel of your seat, and take in your surroundings by noticing who is with you and what you can see and hear.

6. Look Up 

Pause to take in the sky above you. Are there clouds? What do they look like? Do you see any birds or trees? Can you see something in the sky that you’ve never seen before?

7. Truly See Your Colleagues

Is there something new you can notice about your coworkers? Perhaps the person next to you listens to classical music or has photographs of her family on his or her desk. Maybe your boss has a skip in his or her step today.

8. Slowly Munch on Lunch 

Before digging into your lunch, take a moment to examine it. What colors and textures do you see? What does it smell like? Take a small bite and allow your mouth to take it all in by noticing what the food feels like. Is it crunchy or soft? What tastes do you observe? Does the flavor change as you swallow? Try to take several slow and mindful bites. If your mind wanders, try to bring it back to the process of eating.

9. Take a Hike 

Stretch your legs in the afternoon with a walk around the block, and allow your senses to engage with your environment. Can you see something that you’ve never seen before, whether it’s on the ground, on the side of a building, or high in the sky? What do you hear? Tune into each step and notice what your legs do and how they feel with each step. Also notice your feet and the important job they have.

10. Scan Your Body 

Take a moment to close your eyes and tune into your body. Start at your toes and move up, observing each body part until you reach the top of your head. Be curious about what you find, noticing any tension, lightness, heat, pain, or other sensations. Notice if the mind wanders and creates stories about those feelings. If so, see if you can bring the mind back to the sensations without judging them.

Dee:

I use this method of scanning my body when I feel tense, when I allow myself to be riddled with tension.  I begin with totally tensing up my entire body.  And then I relax.  Starting at my toes, concentrating on them, feeling them, I release any tension.  I work my way up to my body this way.  Every part of my body up to my head, fully concentrating on each body part and releasing all tension.

I trip on what each cell in my body is doing without my awareness.  It’s magical how each cell has a purpose without my control or intentions.  They just happily go through the day doing their business, keeping my body as strong and healthy as they can.  When I have an injury or sickness they gear up the army and concentrate on the body part that is no longer strong or healthy.  They know what to do.  I can’t tell them what to do.  They fix me.  I’m better.

My brain, my heart, lungs, every organ in my body do their own thing as well.  My thoughts seldom go to what they are up to.  They know what to do.  They do it without my awareness or permission.  Again, their purpose is to keep me as strong and healthy as they can.

My eyes blink, I cough, I have an itch, my hair grows.  Again, without my control or awareness.  Our bodies are so amazing!

11. Notice Your Social Media Use 

Do you have a habit of checking Facebook or Instagram without even knowing it? Start tuning into those habits and see if you can be more intentional with your time. Once again, don’t judge yourself for the time you spend on social media, simply observe it.

12. Appreciate the Sunset 

Step outside to take in the unique colors of the sunset, and try to notice something you’ve never spotted before. Is there a cloud shape that reminds you of something or someone? What colors do you see? How does the air temperature change once the sun dips below the horizon?

13. Glimpse at the Moon and Stars 

The night sky offers up a feast for your eyes. When is the last time you truly looked at the stars and moon? Take the time to examine what’s beyond the atmosphere and allow yourself to feel awe if it arises.

14. Listen to the Sound of Silence 

As you make your final moves toward bedtime, stop, close your eyes, and listen. What do you hear, and what don’t you hear? Can you notice the sounds or silence with curiosity, allowing your ears to hear the texture of each sound?

Practicing mindfulness throughout your everyday life can help train the mind to focus on the present, with or without cushion. Observe what happens when you make noticing a priority.

Dee:

Last year as I was sitting on the beautifully manicured lawn of the Queen’s Hospital in Honolulu, mindfulness and living in the moment became a priority for me.  My husband was having heart surgery and I was waiting to hear from the doctor how the operation went.  

I remember my head bouncing from thought to thought.  It was a long month being away from home with just the clothes on our backs when we were Medivac’d immediately from the Big Island to Queen’s following a heart consultation.  I’m a busy person.  I NEED to keep busy to keep out of my thoughts and to keep sane.  I found a lauhala tree on the grounds, pulled and prepped leaves (lau) and started weaving bracelet after bracelet.  The island, the aina (land) and mana (spirit) provided me sanity and serenity.  Again, no coincidences.

But as my husband lie on the operating table and knowing that the end of his life could be near, my thoughts bombarded me with fear.  I started thinking about how I might be flying home alone.  I thought about calling my sons to help me clear out Dad’s belongings.  I thought about living in a home and having a life that would be so empty and void without my soulmate.

And then the mindfulness kicked in.  “Shit, Dee!  He’s not dead yet.  Get up to the waiting room and be there when he comes to.  Everything happens for a reason.  You’ll be okay and never alone.  If God has a purpose for Graeme greater than what he can do on this planet, be accepting and joyful for that.”  I made my way up to the waiting room.  And today…we live happily ever after.

One more thing.  I am an alcoholic in recovery.  During my quiet times on the Queen’s lawns I would sometimes think about how a drink would take the edge off.  Thank goodness I’ve stuck closely to AA and the fellowship which reminds me that it’s the first drink that will kill me.  I’ll be off and running.  I’ll be sneaking drinks and hiding booze.  I’ll have to cover up the smells of alcohol on my breath.  AND I WON’T BE FULLY PRESENT FOR MY HUSBAND who needs me NOW!  I don’t drink.  I get humble.  I get grateful.  I use the toolbox for living that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me.  I weave more bracelets.

With warmest aloha, Dee Harris

For those interested in Art with a Message of Hope and Inspiration, Recovery and Being in the Moment, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Mahalo and have an awesome day!

Learn the keys to conscious living from the comfort of your own home with our Primordial Sound Meditation Online Course, led by Deepak Chopra. Learn More. (https://www.chopra.com/online-courses/primordial- sound-meditation/on-demand)

About the Author

Sara Schairer

Sara Schairer is the founder and executive director of COMPASSION IT (http://compassionit.com/), a start-up nonprofit organization and global social movement whose mission is to inspire daily compassionate actions and attitudes. She created the one-of-a-kind reversible COMPASSION IT wristband (http://compassionit.com/wristbands/) prompting compassionate actions on six continents, 48 countries, and all 50 states. Wristband sales fund compassion education programs for youth, teens, and adults. As a public speaker, Sara encourages her audiences to “compassion it” in their daily lives. A Stanford-certified instructor of Compassion Cultivation… Read more (/bios/sara-schairer)

From The Chopra Center

Smiling Is Powerful Medicine: Research on How Smiling Can  Improve Your Health, and Relationships 

Smiling Is Powerful Medicine: Research on How Smiling Can  Improve Your Health, and Relationships 

By Karson McGinley

No matter where you find yourself on this planet or what language you speak, you’ll know a smile when you see one. While cross-cultural studies reveal slightly different meanings ascribed to smiling, they appear throughout the lifespan of all human (and some non-human) beings. Scientists have identified three different kinds of authentic smiles as well as identified the traits of a fake one.

What can all the research on smiling do for you? More than you might think. Psychological researchers have found many benefits to the act of smiling that include improved relationships, improved mental health, and even increased lifespan! Keep reading to learn more about some recent findings on smiling than can take your life from good to great with a simple curve of the mouth.

Dee:

I have always valued my smile.  I have been blessed with a “good” smile, but I haven’t been blessed with strong bones that hold my teeth in my mouth that make a “good” smile.  The photo above is a mosaic frame I gave to my prosthodontist of with a photo of us.  This wonderful man helped me get my smile back when my teeth and implants were falling out of my mouth, due to deteriorating bone.

Smiling Is Good for Your Health 

You likely tend to think of a smile as a result of positive emotions or stimuli, but it turns out that your smile can actually affect your stress levels and productivity, too. When scientists asked participants to engage in a challenging task, they found that the smiling folk had lower stress levels and heart rates than the non-smiling group. Some people were asked to hold chopsticks horizontally in their mouths to simulate the shape of a smile, and even those people saw the positive effects of the smile on their faces.

Dee:

I’ve heard that looking in a mirror and smiling while talking on the phone (especially at work) can make a world of difference on how that conversation plays out.  If you smile during that conversation I bet the end results will turn out greatly more positive than if you frowned or had no smile.  I bet your stress level and productivity will be more healthy by your smile, as well!

Smiling also releases endorphins, which improves your mood, helps you to relax, and lowers your blood pressure. And because smiling is contagious, the benefits of your smile extend beyond your own body to the people you engage with.

Smiling May Help You Live Longer 

So if smiling can contribute to less overall stress, and lower stress levels prolong lifespan, then smiling prolongs lifespan, right? Right! A compelling study at Wayne State University studied photos to classify the smiles of 230 baseball players. They found that the players with partial smiles lived on average two years longer than players who didn’t smile at all; those who had the biggest smiles lived roughly seven years longer than then non-smiling ones.

While it might be frightening to think about your school-age yearbook photos having any indication of the span of your life, it may be time to turn that frown upside down to make up for lost time.

Dee:

My granny lived just shy of her hundredth birthday.  She was always smiling.  I never heard her say anything negative or anything bad about anyone or anything.  Her mindset led her to a long and happy life.

I try to live my life like that today, being optimistic and hopeful, joyful and content.  Even though life throws curveballs at us each and everyday, can we not take the time to remember just three things for which we are grateful?  Can we not know that at this very moment everything is perfect and just as it is meant to be?  What are we going to do with this moment?  Be at peace or shit on it?  I choose to be at peace.

Smiling Improves Your Relationships 

Looking for a date or a mate? People find you more attractive (and thinner) when you smile. Studies show that different areas of the brain light up when looking at pictures of people who are smiling versus not smiling. People who are smiling to any degree are generally labeled more attractive (and women are considered more trustworthy than those with neutral expressions. The next time you are in a social situation and want someone to talk to you try smiling and see what happens.

Dee:

I remember an old beau telling me how much more beautiful I am when I smile.  Agreed.  When looking at photos of myself without my smile, “Yuck!”  Scary!”  “Ugly!”

As I practice daily smiling and centering on a life deserving of smiling, staying in humility and gratitude, my photos sure are more pleasing.

Smiling Improves Effectiveness in the Workplace 

The benefits of smiling extend beyond interpersonal relationships to the work environment. Smiling at your coworkers creates moments of connection that lead to greater productivity and teamwork. People in the service industry prove to have a more positive effect on customers when they smile. And people in leadership positions tend to favor their employees who smile more regularly. However, be careful, as some studies have shown that smiling too much can prevent you from being hired, as it can make your potential employer find you to be less serious or competent. One article suggests that smiling only at the beginning and end of an interview is enough to show that you are friendly, but not so friendly that you would be taken advantage of or manipulated.

Dee:

I remember my boss and customers always ribbing me for smiling all the time.  I would just reply, “Sure beats the alternative”.  Why not smile?  All we have is this moment in front of our noses and it’s good, yeah?  It brings me into gratitude.  I sure like living realizing my glass is half-full, and not half-empty.

Smiling Improves Your Mood 

Yes, you smile when you’re in a good mood, but smiling can also put you in a good mood. When participants were injected with botulinum toxin (a neuromuscular blocker) that would paralyze the frowning muscles in their faces, their moods improved and their depressive symptoms decreased. This finding suggests that the facial expressions involved in a true smile are part of a feedback loop that affects your emotions. People who frown during unpleasant procedures report more pain than those who make neutral or relaxed faces, inferring that the feedback loop works both ways.

Dee:

I’m being reminded of the countless hours I’ve spent in the dentist chair.  Not always pleasant.  But when I remember to breathe, that everything is perfect at this moment, that the end result is worth this discomfort, I can release my tension back into the clouds.  It does not serve me.  Being stress free and in the moment helps tremendously to get back into gratitude and serenity.

Also, I try not to expend what little energy I have on thoughts and feelings that do not serve my well-being.  I spent so many wasted hours on researching why I had bone-loss.  I could have been using that energy for something more positive.  I did, however, later find out by my periodontist the simple reason for bone-loss in my mouth while the rest of my bones were strong and healthy.  None of that research nor delving into my past of “could have’s, would have’s, should have’s” made any difference of where I am now.  I shall expend my energy in a positive direction moving forward, not backward.

What Constitutes a Real Smile? 

The botulinum toxin studies also point to the importance of the eyes and forehead when smiling authentically.

The Duchenne (or genuine) smile involves not just the muscles around the mouth, but also the ones that cause the cheeks to raise and the eyes to crescent. People who smile just with their mouths (think of the “say cheese” smile when taking a photo) don’t experience the same rewards as those who are smiling with their entire face; they do experience some of the benefits, just to a lesser degree.

People who tend more easily toward Duchenne smiles self-report better life satisfaction and marriages, however, so it may be worth learning how to smile with more of your face in the long run.

Dee:

Just be who you are…perfect at this very moment.  It will show up in your smile if you are comfortable in your own skin and love yourself.  And you should feel good about yourself.  You’re doing and being the best you can…right now.  You have gifts that no one else on this planet has.  Cherish them.  Share them.  Not only will your self-love and self-worth show up in your smile, it will emanate from every fiber of your being, felt by everyone around you, and the trickle-down effect is magical! 

Practice Makes Perfect 

Practice makes perfect—especially for men. Researcher Marianne LaFrance says that women smile more than men (mostly because they’re better at social intelligence and judging what is going on with other people). But far and away, children win the smiling contest. One article reports that children smile, on average, 400 times a day, whereas the happiest adults only smile 40-50 times a day.

If that doesn’t give you a kick in the pants, consider it this way: speaker and entrepreneur Ron Gutman says in his popular Ted Talk on the hidden power of smiling, that smiling is like a superpower. But unlike the power to fly or to become invisible, this one can be learned, practiced diligently, and improved upon.

So watch a funny movie, play more with your kids, and practice calling to mind someone who really lights you up when you’re posing for a picture. The smile on your face could literally make you happier, healthier, more effective, more attractive, and live a longer life. Doesn’t the thought of that make you smile?

Dee:

Just like any- and everything in our lives that we want to change, practice makes perfect.  The seed has been planted.  It’s up to us how badly we want to change.  See the glass half-full and not half-empty, living a positive and optimistic life, living in peace and contentment; they all come from baby steps.  Keep at it.  You will get results beyond your wildest dreams!

With warmest aloha,

Dee Harris

For those interested in Art with a Message of Hope and Optimism, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Mahalo and have a great day!

*Editor’s Note: The information in this article is intended for your educational use only; does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Chopra Center’s Mind-Body Medical Group; and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition and before undertaking any diet, supplement, fitness, or other health program.

About the Author 

Karson McGinley, Yoga Teacher, Life Coach, and Joy Seeker

Karson McGinley is the founder of Happy-U ( H olistic A pproach to P ositive P sychology & Y oga) and the co- owner (along with her husband) of Happy-U Namasté Yoga Center (http://happyunamaste.com/) in San Diego, CA. A teacher for over a decade, Karson works to bridge the gap between the ancient wisdom of yoga and the modern science of happiness through her yoga classes, workshops, and Happy-U’s Teacher Training program. Karson’s classes are inspired by what goes on in the modern day life of a joy-seeker, using the power of music, laughter, and storytelling to take her students on a journey within.

From The Chopra Center